5:25am. We are risen, but we are not shiny. In fact one of us is a flat dull red.  Did you know it's still dark at 5:25? And I mean sweet dreams dark, not here comes the sun dark. Seriously- we beat the rooster down the alley up. I genuinely thought about going down there and poking him with a sharp stick. Then I remembered how mean they can be- my Granny used to have one that would chase us grandkids around her house trying to flog us. As I recall we ate him for dinner one Sunday. But I digress. 
Back to 'up for no good reason.' It was paired with "look I've taken my pants off" I put pants back on and put him back to bed with the stern warning of "stay there or else". No, I have no idea what 'else' is, I'm not coherent enough to string together a full thought this early. Which he called my bluff on, got up immediately and took them suckers off again. He is now on game suspension. Until 10am. I have put myself in time out until my attitude improves. I may be here all day. Heck, I may stay here all week.
I'm pretty sure the ambien the doctor put him on to help him sleep is a HUGE bust. We've been on it three months now and have yet to crack 7am, even if he's up till well after midnight. And guess what? He's in his room taking a nap now. Darling child. Glad I'm up by myself. May as well make some coffee. Or I may just put a pinch of grounds in between my cheek and gum. 
Lord, bless us this day, especially that kid in there that can't tell time and is on my last nerve. Keep your hand of protection over us both, but especially him- cuz if he slaps his hands one more time at me when I tell him to do something, I may snap like the elastic in my big girl panties. Then I'll really show my butt. And nobody wants that. Trust me.
Well, whadya know...the lazy rooster is finally up.

Good day to you from the hellish halls of pestilence, disease, famine, infestations, flood,  locust and surgical renderings. We've had about a solid month of colds, flus, pneumonias, upper respiratory infections, and surgeries. We've had the bubonic plague, too, I'm pretty sure. As well as the black, red, yellow, green and checkered plague. Some striped plague- although it wasn't quite as bad. 
We are slowly on the mend, but may never be the same again. Cody had pneumonia in both lungs and had to have two shots to help clear it up. He has just now stopped coughing all the time. Now, if we could get Daddy to stop coughing, we'd be smooth sailing. I always HATE when Bub is sick, he doesn't know how to handle it, he coughs till he pukes and then he panics when he throws up, and runs. So I have to chase the guyser down the hall trying to trap some of the explosion in a pan. Which is generally not very effective, oddly enough. Let me just say, the carpet cleaner definitely got a workout during that time period. So did my back. Ai-yi-yi! 

...in breaking news, in case you were wondering, now that everyone is up and awake- Cody has gone and laid down to take a nap...

I have been recouping from a butt kicking surgery last Monday. It was all kinds of girlie surgery, which I won't embarrass you by telling you about, unless you want to know, in which case I have no shame and will be glad to even draw you pictures diagraming what they did. Just say the word. The parts I can tell you without making you blush or clear your throat and think about the weather, are- I had my bladder put up in a sling and he found a removed a great big hemorrhagic cyst from my tube. TMI? sorry. I'm moving better, just still pretty sore. I have to call the Dr office today and find out the results of it. He had no reason to believe it was cancerous but I always worry until I hear the words that it was nothing. So, come on 8am!! 
You should know, I am not good at recovery. I want to do EVERYthing when I can't. (And when I can, EVERYthing just sits and looks at me and doesn't get done) I have golden intentions, but my follow-thru is more aluminum foil. In fact, it's pretty stunted in general. Laundry is stacking up and that makes me nervous. I could go with not washing until December and still not have to go naked, but it will make me bananas until I get to do it. Again- the laundry in the basement, not ideal. If you are building a house and thinking about putting it down there, don't. I can tell you that more than one load of laundry has been washed multiple times to get the "I forgot" washed out of it. Rewashed. Washed-over? Anyhow, you get it. Washed again, cuz it's a reallllly long way down there to swap out the laundry and then suddenly it's two days later and it's still sitting in the washer getting funkalicious. And not in a good way. Downy only goes so far, folks. 
Well, I'm off to be as productive as I can be when my Dr orders are "for the first week, do NOTHING. Then the second week, do HALF normal. The third week, you can drive and do a little bit more, but no lifting over 10-15 lbs" Silly man, doesn't he realize every time I heft my hiney off the couch, I am lifting more than that? 

In today's breaking news...I seem to be on the upside of down. Feeling lots and lots better. Haven't been too grouchy or whiny the last couple of days. Except for...gotcha! I just said I wasn't whiny. Fooled ya, right? Yeah, I almost fooled me, too! I am that good!
In a sad twist of fate, since I am feeling better, I was forced to prove it. The man-child got up this morning and took off his pants. Which I do not like but am used to. BUT by the time I made it down the hall and threw away the diaper and sat in the floor and yelled "Bubba, come here for pants!" He'd done it. 
Oy vey! Fiddlesticks! Phooey! Nonsense! Ugh! Gad! Oh my word! What the what?! Holy crap!
Well, it wasn't holy...but it was crap. Lord save me from myself. Cuz myself is gonna go in her room and pack her clothes and run away. Just as soon as I rest from scrubbing carpets on my hands and knees for the last hour. On second thought, maybe I won't even pack clothes, I'll just move to somewhere I don't need any. Do they wear clothing in Borneo? Wait...where IS Borneo again?

*sigh* I don't want to Mommy today. Please don't make me mommy!!

I hope the whole day is not modeled after this morning or else the elope threat is very real. It's a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  
One up note, even after the Great Crapsaster of 2015, the last loads of dirty hamper riff-raff are in the washer and dryer. Everything is clean. Except for the clothes on our backs and the towels on the racks. You know what that means...look busy, Jesus is coming!!

This morning I had to wrestle a cat for a cough pill. Yes, really. I dropped it in the floor and was looking for it on my hands and knees and she marches in and starts batting it around. I pounce on the cat who hurriedly tries to snap it up in her mouth so I can't get it. So I pry her mouth open and do finger sweeps trying to get it out but am finding nothing. Great, the cat won't cough now, but I will. Then she moves her right paw and surprise, it's the old peanut under the shell move. She fooled me. But I had the last laugh, I took the cough pill! Craziness abounds. 
I'm on day 3 of being really really sick and I am not liking it one little bit. To say I am whiny would be an understatement. I feel like Crap's irritating little sister Dookie again today. I have to say I do think I am feeling some better, it's just a slow process. One I have very little patience for when I don't feel good. Do you see my dilemma? I also have a horrific headache from coughing so much. And did I mention I'm whiny? No? Well, I am. 
We're on game hiatus until 9 this morning. It's nekked Sunday x1. He's currently standing here saying "I like game, please" and getting louder...and louder...and louder... Cuz saying it louder will obviously make me change my mind. Just like it does all moms. "What did you say, dear? Ask me again and much louder, then the answer will be yes" Children. Where do they get their logic from? 

This morning I has a sore throat. But not just a sore throat a SORE throat. And by SORE I mean SOOOOOOORRREEEEE. Are you getting my hints? Do you follow me? Yeah, in case you didn't- it hurts. Today I forecast downpours of hot honey lemon tea followed with accumulation of cold and sinus pills. With intermittent gusts of sneezing. And overcast mood with breakthrough grouching. I don't have time to be sick.
Now...for last nights catastrophe. Many of you know Randy chews. I hate it. HATE it. HATE IT with the burning passion of ten thousand suns. It grosses me out. Always has and always will. He has of late been spitting in a coke bottle and leaving it by the couch. Last night Bubba got hold of it and drank some. I was COMPLETELY grossed out. I brushed his teeth for a solid ten minutes, I think. And I told Randy he was either going to wash out that nasty crap every time he was done with it or he was not going to have one in the house anymore. He didn't think I was serious. He found out HOW serious I was. Then a little while after Bubba went to bed, he threw up. Lots and everywhere. It had tobacco in it. I was furious. Seething. Irate. I cleaned him up, changed the bed, gave him something so he wouldn't be sick again and hoped for the best. He didn't get sick anymore. But I'm not speaking to Randy...not that he knows it yet, cuz he's still piled up in bed, but I'm not. I may wake him up to tell him I'm not talking to him. Would that defeat the purpose? 
We got up this morning bright and ugly at 6. He said was "code" (cold), so I changed him and put socks and houseshoes on him and he promptly took them right back off. I do not know why this child will not leave on houseshoes! They're soft and squishy. Maybe they remind him too much of wearing pants...I dunno.  He then took a nap, after he made sure I was up and moving. Ain't he adorable? 
Now the four year old is wanting everything on TV. Every commercial she says "Can I have that?" Marketing geniuses. Making little kids want things when they don't even know what they are. Yes, she actually said that..."What is that?" I said "I don't know" She said "Well can I have it?" I said "If you don't know what it is, you don't need it!" To which I hear "PLEEEEEEAAASSSSEEEEE?" *sigh* "Please for my birthday?" *biggersigh* "Please with a cherry on top?!" I said "sure, you can have it." Sorry, Ashley. I'll keep a list so you can get everything I've promised her. You're welcome. 
Today's agenda- in between being whiny- involves MORE laundry. And trying to find the table that is in the dining room. I know there is one there, cuz I used to see it. Before the great landslide of '14. I swear I will find it again. No telling what else I'll come across in the quest. I may find valuables. Or Jimmy Hoffa. Although, I think it may be a bit late for him. This will be accomplished slowly and surely. I also need to wash a load of dishes and clean the bathroom. I also need to vacuum. And clean carpets after all the snow and stubborn little dog's calling cards. 
Have I mentioned I don't have time to be sick? Yeah, that. 

So I hear I've been missed. Well, here I am! Now, now, simmer down. If you keep applauding, I'll never be able to go on...
This morning and yesterday morning were both nude,crude and rude. Except...yesterday he put his diaper on his dad's head...then went in his room and peed in the floor. *sigh* Have I mentioned how much I like cleaning carpets? No? Yes. Well. That's because I DON'T. This morning, he put it on his dad again (hehehe) but I caught him before he made a mess. So we are on game hiatus until 9. I told him he HAS to stop taking his pants off and he told me "That's not nice, though!" I said 'you taking off your drawers isn't nice either, so listen to me.' I got a heartfelt raspberry. Story of my life. He is currently running up and down the hallway yelling 'I like Mickey' cuz Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse is on. Oh, the energy...if they could only find some way to harness it, he could power the entire town of Thayer. Or if they couldn't do that, at least figure out how to share some with me. I think mamas (and daddies) of autistic kids should be prescribed some kind of energy pill. I'd take 'em! 
I've spent the last couple of days wallowing. Been worried since getting some yucky news from a Dr visit Monday morning. I have to have surgery again on April 6th. Two surgeons will be working in tandem to fix a bladder prolapse and other things that are going on down there in Nevermind Land. I have no idea how long the surgery will take, but it has to be open abdominal and I will have to be in the hospital 'for a while'- however long that is. I hate the entire idea of it all- the complicated surgery, the need for two surgeons working to fix me and the hospital stay. Which of course you NEVER get to rest during. Cuz when you go to sleep, they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. And when you just fall back asleep its time for vitals or vampires. But I will survive *cueGloriaGaynor* And NOW that is stuck in your head. You are welcome. 
I did learn from driving in the rain on the way to Springfield Monday morning that my right foot has all kinds of rhythm. I'd look down and I would be going anywhere from 62-80 depending on what was on the radio. My name is Darla and I am dependant on Cruise Control. Which is probably a good thing, I just wanted you to know. 
Had a night full of bad dreams and crazy things. Woke up at 4:30am to the sound of my printer going off. Got up in time to see George, the cat, pushing the button to feed the paper through. He learned this trick a while back, but hadn't done it in a while. I was SO hoping he'd forgotten how. Oh, no. Not so lucky. He'd sit there until the paper went through and then push the button again. He even had the audacity to look put out with me when I made him get down and stop wasting the paper. Nothing like a cat to make you feel like you did something wrong when they were the guilty party in the first place. My next life, I'm coming back as a cat. I deserve a chance to be a little craphead for being a servant to these ungrateful furry children for so long. I'm gonna sit in the sun all day long, and not move when people are trying to step carefully over me, then I'm gonna jump up and bolt out of the room so they nearly fall down. Then I'm gonna get sick on the linoleum and hack and gag and carry on, then just before I actually gack up something I will run to the carpet and do it there. I will beg to be petted, after which I will bite my human for daring to touch me. And I will become a kleptomaniac. I solemnly swear to steal everything that is not nailed down and take it under the bed to never be seen again. Yep, a cat's life will be the one for me. Except their food kind of stinks...and I'm not sure about pooping in a box...maybe I need to think this through a little more...

And yesterday I had a panic attack. A big one. And no, it had nothing to do with turning 47. I was shopping in Wal-mart. I've never had one there before. I did manage to hold it together though until I got checked out. I wanted to abandon my basket and run screaming and crying from the store. To say it was busy would be the understatement of the millenium. There were hundreds of people there, trying to get stuff before the predicted snow came. They were crabby, cranky and rude, for the most part. Now I remember why I shop at midnight. I lost count of how many times I was run into with a cart. I lost track of all the screaming fit-throwing kids. I quit noticing all the hateful looks from people stopped on the wrong side of the aisle looking at me ugly, cuz they'd pulled out from behind traffic on their own side and couldn't get past. I did, but apparently my brain took it all in. I had started at the back of the store and by the time I hit crackers and cookies, my brain and body had ENOUGH. I started getting shaky, sweating, everything was SO loud and I wanted to cry. No, scratch that, I wanted to full on bawl. I just stopped where I was in the trip, abandoned the rest of my list and went to the checkout line. I had to exit before I lost it. Then the lady in front of me froze the register up. I'd already unloaded my entire full basket. I nearly threw myself on the floor. I texted Randy and told him what was going on, in case they had to call him and say "your wife is under the sink in the men's bathroom and we can't get her to come out. We even tried coaxing her with food...what should we do?" He told me to breathe and remember I was loved. Just breathe. So breathe I did. And I made it out and to the car. Then I cried a little bit just for sanity's sake. And I came on home. It was scary how fast it came on and how out of control I felt. I think I'll pass on those from now on...God, would ya make a mental note of that, please? K, thanks, bye.
On another note, after taking in a quiet evening at home (after I ran to Aldi's, which was a picnic compared to WM), I watched TV and went to bed early, I rested pretty good and we got up at the butt crack of dawn...or should I say, the Butt Crack got up at dawn? Yep, that's what happened. So we were on game delay for an hour. He told me I was mean. I told him he was mean. He gave me a hand clap and a raspberry. I gave him a hand clap and a raspberry. He huffed off down to his room and I didn't see him until 2 till 9. And since then, he's been pretty good. Other than he is "coughin! sick!" I gave him some sinus pills and cough pills and he's doing pretty good for the most part.
The snow outside is gorgeous. Fluffy, white and new. It renews my spirit and makes me feel happy. I love it. however it makes it hard for those who are out to get around and I hate that. And it has currently eaten our newspaper. So I guess we'll just not know today's news. SO, if the apocalypse happened, could someone please text me and let me know?