This morning I has a sore throat. But not just a sore throat a SORE throat. And by SORE I mean SOOOOOOORRREEEEE. Are you getting my hints? Do you follow me? Yeah, in case you didn't- it hurts. Today I forecast downpours of hot honey lemon tea followed with accumulation of cold and sinus pills. With intermittent gusts of sneezing. And overcast mood with breakthrough grouching. I don't have time to be sick.
Now...for last nights catastrophe. Many of you know Randy chews. I hate it. HATE it. HATE IT with the burning passion of ten thousand suns. It grosses me out. Always has and always will. He has of late been spitting in a coke bottle and leaving it by the couch. Last night Bubba got hold of it and drank some. I was COMPLETELY grossed out. I brushed his teeth for a solid ten minutes, I think. And I told Randy he was either going to wash out that nasty crap every time he was done with it or he was not going to have one in the house anymore. He didn't think I was serious. He found out HOW serious I was. Then a little while after Bubba went to bed, he threw up. Lots and everywhere. It had tobacco in it. I was furious. Seething. Irate. I cleaned him up, changed the bed, gave him something so he wouldn't be sick again and hoped for the best. He didn't get sick anymore. But I'm not speaking to Randy...not that he knows it yet, cuz he's still piled up in bed, but I'm not. I may wake him up to tell him I'm not talking to him. Would that defeat the purpose? 
We got up this morning bright and ugly at 6. He said was "code" (cold), so I changed him and put socks and houseshoes on him and he promptly took them right back off. I do not know why this child will not leave on houseshoes! They're soft and squishy. Maybe they remind him too much of wearing pants...I dunno.  He then took a nap, after he made sure I was up and moving. Ain't he adorable? 
Now the four year old is wanting everything on TV. Every commercial she says "Can I have that?" Marketing geniuses. Making little kids want things when they don't even know what they are. Yes, she actually said that..."What is that?" I said "I don't know" She said "Well can I have it?" I said "If you don't know what it is, you don't need it!" To which I hear "PLEEEEEEAAASSSSEEEEE?" *sigh* "Please for my birthday?" *biggersigh* "Please with a cherry on top?!" I said "sure, you can have it." Sorry, Ashley. I'll keep a list so you can get everything I've promised her. You're welcome. 
Today's agenda- in between being whiny- involves MORE laundry. And trying to find the table that is in the dining room. I know there is one there, cuz I used to see it. Before the great landslide of '14. I swear I will find it again. No telling what else I'll come across in the quest. I may find valuables. Or Jimmy Hoffa. Although, I think it may be a bit late for him. This will be accomplished slowly and surely. I also need to wash a load of dishes and clean the bathroom. I also need to vacuum. And clean carpets after all the snow and stubborn little dog's calling cards. 
Have I mentioned I don't have time to be sick? Yeah, that. 

So I hear I've been missed. Well, here I am! Now, now, simmer down. If you keep applauding, I'll never be able to go on...
This morning and yesterday morning were both nude,crude and rude. Except...yesterday he put his diaper on his dad's head...then went in his room and peed in the floor. *sigh* Have I mentioned how much I like cleaning carpets? No? Yes. Well. That's because I DON'T. This morning, he put it on his dad again (hehehe) but I caught him before he made a mess. So we are on game hiatus until 9. I told him he HAS to stop taking his pants off and he told me "That's not nice, though!" I said 'you taking off your drawers isn't nice either, so listen to me.' I got a heartfelt raspberry. Story of my life. He is currently running up and down the hallway yelling 'I like Mickey' cuz Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse is on. Oh, the energy...if they could only find some way to harness it, he could power the entire town of Thayer. Or if they couldn't do that, at least figure out how to share some with me. I think mamas (and daddies) of autistic kids should be prescribed some kind of energy pill. I'd take 'em! 
I've spent the last couple of days wallowing. Been worried since getting some yucky news from a Dr visit Monday morning. I have to have surgery again on April 6th. Two surgeons will be working in tandem to fix a bladder prolapse and other things that are going on down there in Nevermind Land. I have no idea how long the surgery will take, but it has to be open abdominal and I will have to be in the hospital 'for a while'- however long that is. I hate the entire idea of it all- the complicated surgery, the need for two surgeons working to fix me and the hospital stay. Which of course you NEVER get to rest during. Cuz when you go to sleep, they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. And when you just fall back asleep its time for vitals or vampires. But I will survive *cueGloriaGaynor* And NOW that is stuck in your head. You are welcome. 
I did learn from driving in the rain on the way to Springfield Monday morning that my right foot has all kinds of rhythm. I'd look down and I would be going anywhere from 62-80 depending on what was on the radio. My name is Darla and I am dependant on Cruise Control. Which is probably a good thing, I just wanted you to know. 
Had a night full of bad dreams and crazy things. Woke up at 4:30am to the sound of my printer going off. Got up in time to see George, the cat, pushing the button to feed the paper through. He learned this trick a while back, but hadn't done it in a while. I was SO hoping he'd forgotten how. Oh, no. Not so lucky. He'd sit there until the paper went through and then push the button again. He even had the audacity to look put out with me when I made him get down and stop wasting the paper. Nothing like a cat to make you feel like you did something wrong when they were the guilty party in the first place. My next life, I'm coming back as a cat. I deserve a chance to be a little craphead for being a servant to these ungrateful furry children for so long. I'm gonna sit in the sun all day long, and not move when people are trying to step carefully over me, then I'm gonna jump up and bolt out of the room so they nearly fall down. Then I'm gonna get sick on the linoleum and hack and gag and carry on, then just before I actually gack up something I will run to the carpet and do it there. I will beg to be petted, after which I will bite my human for daring to touch me. And I will become a kleptomaniac. I solemnly swear to steal everything that is not nailed down and take it under the bed to never be seen again. Yep, a cat's life will be the one for me. Except their food kind of stinks...and I'm not sure about pooping in a box...maybe I need to think this through a little more...

And yesterday I had a panic attack. A big one. And no, it had nothing to do with turning 47. I was shopping in Wal-mart. I've never had one there before. I did manage to hold it together though until I got checked out. I wanted to abandon my basket and run screaming and crying from the store. To say it was busy would be the understatement of the millenium. There were hundreds of people there, trying to get stuff before the predicted snow came. They were crabby, cranky and rude, for the most part. Now I remember why I shop at midnight. I lost count of how many times I was run into with a cart. I lost track of all the screaming fit-throwing kids. I quit noticing all the hateful looks from people stopped on the wrong side of the aisle looking at me ugly, cuz they'd pulled out from behind traffic on their own side and couldn't get past. I did, but apparently my brain took it all in. I had started at the back of the store and by the time I hit crackers and cookies, my brain and body had ENOUGH. I started getting shaky, sweating, everything was SO loud and I wanted to cry. No, scratch that, I wanted to full on bawl. I just stopped where I was in the trip, abandoned the rest of my list and went to the checkout line. I had to exit before I lost it. Then the lady in front of me froze the register up. I'd already unloaded my entire full basket. I nearly threw myself on the floor. I texted Randy and told him what was going on, in case they had to call him and say "your wife is under the sink in the men's bathroom and we can't get her to come out. We even tried coaxing her with food...what should we do?" He told me to breathe and remember I was loved. Just breathe. So breathe I did. And I made it out and to the car. Then I cried a little bit just for sanity's sake. And I came on home. It was scary how fast it came on and how out of control I felt. I think I'll pass on those from now on...God, would ya make a mental note of that, please? K, thanks, bye.
On another note, after taking in a quiet evening at home (after I ran to Aldi's, which was a picnic compared to WM), I watched TV and went to bed early, I rested pretty good and we got up at the butt crack of dawn...or should I say, the Butt Crack got up at dawn? Yep, that's what happened. So we were on game delay for an hour. He told me I was mean. I told him he was mean. He gave me a hand clap and a raspberry. I gave him a hand clap and a raspberry. He huffed off down to his room and I didn't see him until 2 till 9. And since then, he's been pretty good. Other than he is "coughin! sick!" I gave him some sinus pills and cough pills and he's doing pretty good for the most part.
The snow outside is gorgeous. Fluffy, white and new. It renews my spirit and makes me feel happy. I love it. however it makes it hard for those who are out to get around and I hate that. And it has currently eaten our newspaper. So I guess we'll just not know today's news. SO, if the apocalypse happened, could someone please text me and let me know? 

Good morning from Birthday Central! It's my birthday today! And we got up at 5:35 to celebrate it. But, I made it another trip around the sun. Although as sore as I am today, you'd think I alternately crawled and hopscotched all the way around. (We went to Springfield yesterday and I'm always in a dilapidated state after a long driving trip) I'm 30 today...with 17 years experience. so...30 plus wear and tear plus experience plus arthritis...I am exactly 102 today! In light of that, I look pretty stinkin good for my age! 
It is also my Granny- Silvie Burris' birthday. She passed in 1998, but I still celebrate with her each year. Like this morning- we had birthday cake for breakfast. Now one of us is urpy with a tummy ache...and I think it might be me? Blech, yep, definitely me. Granny and I were super SUPER close. From the time I was five years, just after my Paw died, I spent every Friday and Saturday night with her, so she wouldn't be lonesome. Then when I was 16 we actually lived with her for a while. And after that I was a grow-up and didn't spend the night with Granny anymore. Man, was that a dumb idea. I'm not good at being an adult. I should've stayed that little kid. Some of my most favorite times was lying in the bed in the dark with her talking about when she was a kid. That and lifting the sheets up and moving our feet on them really fast like we were running to see the sparks. lol 
Springfield yesterday was a Dr appointment for me at the ENT where he rudely accused me of cleaning my ears with q-tips. I told him I didn't do it, but someone else might have when I wasn't looking. He harrumphed at me. AND said I was telling a lie! Can you believe it? What do you mean yes, you can? Harrumph! He cleaned out both my ears which left me a wee bit on the far side of dizzy. And said my turbinates in my sinuses were VERY swollen and to use the Saline Spray bottle from Neil-med, then a steroid spray to see if that will shrink them, otherwise I am to go back and see him in a month. And I suspect he will want to do a reduction on them. Um, no thanks. PASS! I had one of those a while back and it was a MOST painful surgery.
Then we had Randy's dr appointment, which went well and then we took Bubba to Urgent Care in Springfield to have him checked out. So he is on eye drops for pink eye and antibiotics for strep throat. Yay us! All in all, we had a pretty good day. 
Today's agenda- Go get driver's license renewed, as it expires today. I have to take my baby book in with me, cuz my birth certificate is glued inside it. Glad I have it where I know it is, anyhow.Even if my mama did glue it down tighter than Fort Knox has it's gold secured. Hope my eyes remember what they're supposed to do. 

One..Two..Three...Errrr'body UP! And then please be very quiet cuz Cody has gone and laid down to nap. He woke me to tell me he was sheepy. And that there was Shnow. So I got up, handed out pills and by the time I had pottied the dogs, he was lying back down. Well, I'm glad to know me getting up is so peaceful it inspires him to nap. Really. 
Not much snow out there, I thought we were supposed to get 2 inches? Oh well, I'm sure it's enough to incite panic at Wal-mart. People are probably cleaning them out of bread, milk, eggs and toilet paper...cuz you just never know when snopocalypse is coming. I need to go clean them out of cough drops and Excedrin Migraine. Cuz I'm gonna need something to trade for food when the whole world shuts down over this snow. Right? ...wait...now you have the same idea... 
Spent the greater part of last night crocheting. Oh, so relaxing. I'm working on a C2C afghan that is working up just beautifully. It's a gorgeous variegated yarn of blues, purples and greens that I am just gaga over...only problem is- I got the yarn on Black Friday's $1.99 sale...and I ran out, smack in the middle of my 'ghan. So I am hoping it wasn't some rogue color they came up with and I can find it when I go out there today. But, let's be honest...I don't have the best luck in the world. So I may have a half-and-half-corner-to-corner afghan. Crossing fingers it'll be there. Otherwise my blanket will be all wonky and that just won't fit in at our house. Yeah, I know, I laughed too when I wrote it. I have found these amazing hooks that work SO great for me. They are by Boye and have rubber grip handles- and more importantly, the grip extends all the way up to where I hold my hook- I use a pencil grip, rather than the traditional overhand hold of the hook. I love that hook. It was my best hook ever. And it's missing. I have a pretty good idea where it's gone. I suspect Lillie- our kleptomaniac chew-everything-up dog got it and ate it. And then Randy has either hidden it or thrown it away to destroy evidence. Because he does stuff like that. She has chewed up shoes I've never even worn...and somehow they got into the bottom of my shoe basket. How, you might ask? Well, I'm pretty sure she didn't cover her own tracks, so let's surmise she had help to hide the shoe carcasses. Voila! Enter Randy. When I ask him about things like that, I get eye contact avoidance and a question for the question, i.e. "why would I know where it is?" or "what makes you think she did it?" Oldest trick in the book. My mom lie detector is beeping like crazy. In fact, I could use some of that Excedrin migraine...
It's a might chilly today. Fluffy snow is still falling outside, it makes me feel all cozy. I declare this a biscuits and gravy kinda morning. Now, who wants to come fix them for me? No takers? Story of my life.

Day 8,306 of captivity. The younger male continues to call me "Mama" and demand I do things for him. Apparently he feels he is the boss of me. I will play along with his charade until I simply can't stand it anymore. Odd thing is, I've become very fond of him. I'm not sure how this happened. Or why. I just know I feel very protective over him, no matter what he makes me do or how I am treated. It's unsettling, really, the hold he has over me. 
Guess what happened at our house this morning? Nope, guess again. Nope, guess again...ok, I'll tell you! 

THIS MORNING HE BROUGHT ME SWEATPANTS TO PUT ON HIM!!!!! NO NAKED AND HE WANTED DRESSED MORE?! 

Dear sweet heavenly days, show me to the lottery tickets, please, cuz this is a day like no other!! Seriously, get out your red pens and circle today on the calendar. Like, this will probably never happen again. Ever. I did notice there was a ring around the moon last night. Might have something to do with it. I dunno, but I'm all for it, whatever it is!
And on the downside of up, Bubba is now coughing. UGH. Problem with that is, he sometimes spontaneously throws up with his coughing fits and there is no warning when it happens. This means I follow him around most of the day with a bucket, while he tries to shake me like a bad guy running from the cops. It's an art, really, predicting the puking + autism equation. I'm not positive Einstein himself could have figured out the probability of how many times I'd be in the right place at the right time vs. how many times I clean the carpets in a day. And so far the record is 9. Nine times in one day. That is, that I cleaned the carpets, not got lucky as a bucket wielding receptacle. The thing about it is, when he starts to get sick, he panics and runs...therefore, it's a bit like harnessing a lava flow. But enough about puking...how's your breakfast? :D
So, I hear we have more bad weather on the way. Snow. Sleet. Ice. I say HOGWASH! I have to be able to get to Springfield Monday, Randy and I both have Dr appointments. You hear me, weather? Don't bugger up on me! Not to mention I have a birthday coming up next Wed and I want to be able to have my swim party. I have a new bikini and everything. Stop laughing. Stop it! You're hurting my very last feeling! OK, that's it...you can NOT come swim in my imaginary pool. And you may NOT use my pretend pool noodles. And you are NOT invited to play Marco Polo with me. That'll learn ya, dern ya. 

Ow, Karma, OWWWWW! Karma, you bit me! That hurt, Karma! OWWWW!! (in my best Charlie, you bit me, Brit accent). Yep, Karma bit me, right smack-dab in the butt! When will I learn to not tempt fate by bragging on how good things are going? *sigh* 

Apparently NEVER. 

We were up at 6:20 AND we streaked. The kind Windex and coffee filters can't fix. The kind that makes me so mad, I want to chew up nails and spit out tacks. The kind that renders a PS2 useless until 9am. I said "WHY?! Why did you take off your pants?" His answer "Cold" Umm, yes, let's take off stuff since we are cold, rather than put them on. So, I redressed and put on pants that tie at the waist. I even put him back to bed once to no avail. So we stayed up. Which was a marvelous turn of luck, cuz I got to witness the cat barfing and clean it up right away...while it was still warm and gushy. The joy, the JOY! I love mornings at Crazytown. Sarcasm- level FLUENT.
Oh, and did I mention I did all this with my eyes nearly swollen shut? Yeah, I did and this is what happened...now to commercial....hehehe. To explain this, let me go back in time a little bit...Bath & Body Works has this lotion called Be Enchanted that I discovered a few months back. I fell in love with it immediately. I wore it every day and smeared some on every chance I got. It's heaven in a bottle. It makes my nose happy...no, more like downright thrilled. It smells like vanilla cupcakes and cotton candy and baby kitties armpits. Yeah, it smells THAT good. So, I slathered my hands with it last night before I went to sleep. Apparently at some point during the night, I rubbed my eyes vigorously with said lotioned hands and smeared them full of Be Enchanted. So this morning, I am nearly blind with red blood-shot eyes and am a whole lot less than enchanted. Warm compresses helped for the most part and I washed them out with eye drops. So if you see me today, I am NOT a stoner, I just play one on TV. Has this happened to anyone else? No? Well, that just figures.